Coming Out
by Evildevilangel
Summary: ONESHOT! Remus has a history of unmanly activities. So how hard could coming out be? R/S slash, obviously. Rated T just to be uber-safe.


Coming Out: A Remus Lupin Fic

For the only person who really matters. Not that I own any of it.

Unbeknownst to everyone at Hogwarts, Remus Lupin loved to dance. It had started when he was just a toddler. He had grown up with Mummy & Me dance classes, then elementary dance, and ballet after that. His mother made him quit formal training when he was ten and night recitals became more and more of an issue. He had cried in their dingy little bathroom with the peeling cream wallpaper for hours when she told him he could never go to the studio again, just two days after the full moon.

The night before he left for his first year at Hogwarts, Remus' mother imparted some sage advice, as every parent feels the need to do. "Don't forget to write," she said as she helped him fold his jumpers, "and brush your hair twice a day, even if it doesn't feel like it needs it." Remus simply nodded and continued folding. "Don't forget to wear your gloves and wash them before you store them in the spring." Another nod. "And don't tell anyone about your dancing." Remus froze for a moment, and then continued folding. He was a quiet child when he was thinking, but Mrs. Lupin knew what to look for. She sat down on the bed and pulled her young son down next to her. "It's not that… You know I…" She took a deep breath and began again. "I just don't want the other boys to get the wrong impression, you understand?" Remus looked up at her for a moment and nodded.

True to his word, Remus told no one over the next seven years about his dancing. He continued to practice in private, usually in the Shrieking Shack when the Marauders thought he was in the library. In all honesty, he was grateful his mother had let him stay at it as long as she had. It was how he was tied for first in his charms class with Sirius. He learned them as dance moves, a simple one-two-three-one-two-three or a more complex swish-twist-turn-thrust-pivot-thrust. Sirius had naturally grace, whereas Remus had no doubt his was acquired. Just look at James and Peter, he told himself, one always too bold and sloppy, the other too timid. Clearly dancing was the first step to proper wizardry.

But his mother saw it as something else, something _unmasculine. _Something that required hiding and secrecy. Given all that ballyhoo, Remus figured it would come as no great surprise when he finally told her he was gay.

He aparated home on a warm May night, just days before graduation. Sirius had taken him flat-shopping the weekend before, and they had already decided on a cramped, cockroach-filled two-and-a-half room sublet whose owner (a friend of one of the Zonko's owners) was traveling in Siberia in search of the Great Epic Somethingorother for half a year. Sirius loved it, telling him how it reeked of "adventure and independence and uninterrupted alone time". Remus thought only the last was likely, given that anyone who saw their living space would probably run screaming.

All in all, it was high time to tell his mother that he was never going to bring home a sweet little blond girl named Sarah who liked to read Austen, knit, and make meatloaf. Especially now that he wasn't back in with his mother next week. He shoved a thin hand through his sandy hair and knocked on the door.

"Hello?" asked Mrs. Lupin as she drew open the door, dressed only in a pink flannel dressing gown and pink bunny slippers.

Remus smiled as warmly as he could, given that fact that his stomach seemed determined to leap out of his mouth. "Hi Mum."

Regina Lupin threw open the door and engulfed her son in a massive bear hug. "REMUS," she squealed. She pulled him back to arm's length and looked him up and down. _I hope "I'm a flaming shirtlifter" isn't tattooed on my forehead_, Remus thought desperately. "You don't look ill," she pronounced. "Is everything all right?"

_Except for that part about shattering your dream of grandchildren, everything's peachy_. "I… er… wanted to talk to you about something. Can I come inside?"

Regina slapped a hand to her forehead dramatically. "Of course dear. I don't know what's come over me. Lack of visitors, I suppose." She ushered him into the kitchen and sat him in one of the wobbly oak chairs. "Mr. Applebom moved, you know," she said as she busied herself gathering all the food in the house on the kitchen table. "Such a nice man."

Remus stared at the tile pattern on the floor. Pink, white, pink, white, pink, white. "You can call him George, you know, Mom. I'm eighteen now, a real adult. You don't have to call him Mr. Applebom in front of me." He gazed at the pile of food in front of him. Saltine crackers, expired fruit cookies, half a loaf of wheat bread, a six pack of all white tuna, and more. "And I'm not hungry. I had dinner at Hogwarts."

"You look too thin," she pronounced as she began emptying the fridge onto the table. "You should eat something."

"It's really okay, Mum. I promise. I had a lot of food at dinner. Why don't you just take a seat?" She had new lines on her forehead, he noticed, and she flexed her left hand in between grabs as though it ached. "What happened to your hand?"

Mrs. Lupin put her hand behind her back. "Oh, that? Nothing dear. Just getting old, don't you worry about it. Now," she huffed, taking a seat at last and opening a box of low fat chocolate cookies, "you said you wanted to talk about something. What's so important? You haven't been writing me as often as you used to. Are your friends giving you a hard time about being close to your dear old mother? Worried about graduation? That's it!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together before taking another cookie. "You're worried about that new job at the magic place. Don't worry, dear, that headmaster of yours has assured me you're doing very well."

Remus nearly gagged. "You've… been in contact with the headmaster?" A thousand and twelve pranks raced through his head, although, admittedly, he hadn't been blamed for very many of them. Until recently, he hadn't been very involved in their actual execution. And now Sirius refused to allow him to take responsibility for anything.

"Well of course," she said, flapping a sloppily manicured hand at him," I needed to know what those silly badges you got meant, and whether an O was really higher than an A and all that. 

Just needed an inside source. And he seems like a very nice man, even if he does seem to constantly be walking around dressed like he just got out of a bath."

"Mum…" Remus considered attempting to explain the concept of robes again, but decided there was no reason she would accept it this time. "It's not that. I'm not worried about my job at the Ministry and my friends are wonderful. I've just been a bit busy getting ready for graduation and all." He twined his fingers in his lap to keep from fidgeting while his mother looked at him again.

"So," his mother began slowly, "what exactly has you so worried you need to come out here at ten at night on a Thursday?" _Fuck_, thought Remus.

"Look, I'm really sorry about that." He looked at the floor again. "I didn't look at the clock because I was so nervous about telling you… I'm gay." Remus counted to fifteen in his head before looking at his mother. Whose face was rapidly changing from flabbergasted to amused.

Before she began to laugh. "Oh… Remus… darling. Don't be silly." Remus breathed a sigh of relief.

"So, you're okay with it?" He smiled. "Oh that's great, I was so worried but I really do love him and-"

"Remus," she interrupted. "You're not _gay_. I mean, in the traditional sense I suppose, but not in the sense of _sex_."

Remus blinked. Again. And again. And again. "Mum, I don't think you've quite understood me. I _like other men_. Romantically. Sexually."

Regina laughed again. "Don't be foolish. You just haven't gotten out into the real world yet. I know girls may not be into the scrawny, intelligent types at school, but I assure you, in the real world, a man with a brain is really attractive. Just you wait and see, they'll flock to you. And then you'll forget all about this silly little notion. It's a phase, Remus. Everyone _questions_. But, with all these changes going on in your life, _you need to be open to love_."

That was it. "I am open to love, mother. I am openly in love. With a great guy. Named Sirius. Who I am moving in with after graduation."

His mother blinks once, twice, three times. "Your friend Sirius? From all those years ago. I always had a funny feeling about him, how close he was to that John bloke –"

"James," Remus interrupted.

"Regardless, you can still be friends even if he has, _different tastes, _if you know what I mean. Has he been pressuring you? You just need to sit him down and explain that even if you want happiness for him, you shouldn't sacrifice your chance at love." She reached across the table and patted him on the shoulder.

Remus closed his eyes and counted back from a hundred. He imagined himself doing perfect jettes in front of the mirror at the studio. He envisioned himself happily moving into the flat with Sirius, laughing as he pushed the other boy's black hair out of his eyes. He tried to keep his eyes 

from rolling back into his head. "**I do not need another chance at love, mother. I am in love with Sirius. And have been for the past FIVE years. Which is, incidentally, longer than you had known Mr. Applebom before you started sleeping with him. Don't think I didn't know about that. I am happy with my **_**boyfriend**_** Sirius. We are happy together. He understands me. He does not pressure me EVER even a little even if whatever it is matters to him a whole lot. He loves me. He is not ashamed of me. He does not care what I do or who I talk to or assume he knows what I am thinking or ask why I show up late at night and I had hoped you would understand that and be happy for us!" **He finally stopped yelling to take a breath and realized he had stood up and knocked his chair over and his mother was staring openmouthed at him from across the table. And that he was crying. "Nevermind," he said, wiping his eyes. "I was being _silly_. I should get back to school."Remus turned and began to walk out of the kitchen.

"Remus!" his mother shouted sternly. He turned and looked as she came scurrying out of the kitchen and into the front hallway. "This is what I'm _talking about!_ See, you've already admitted this was just silliness. You know I love you no matter what."

"No, mother. I did not mean my being with Sirius is silly. I meant trying to explain it to you. My _need for your approval _was silly. I do not need anyone but him to understand." He turned to go again. He didn't understand this feeling, the burning feeling in his stomach, and the urges running through his muscles to just _do something_, and the spinning in his head that was so much worse than the nerves he had felt the last few weeks.

"Remus," the last Mrs. Lupin cooed softly, "you know I love you, no matter what choices you make. And I will be here for you when you come around and want to bring home a nice girl." She attempted to move in to hug her son goodbye, but he was gone with a soft _pop_ before she could get her arms around him.

Miles away, at Hogwarts, Remus Lupin buried himself in his boyfriend's arms and sobbed.

"I should have gone with you, Moony. I'm so sorry," whispered Sirius into his hair as they sat, alone in the Common Room.

Remus pushed away far enough to look him in the eye. "No, I… needed to do that myself. And you would have gotten in trouble for hexing her too. She's just a muggle."

The black haired boy ran his thumbs along Remus' cheeks, attempting to wipe away the tears even as new ones continued to fall. "She's also your family. And it's hard, losing that, even just for a while."

Remus focused on the piercing color of his boyfriend's eyes. "Is this what it was like for you?" his voice full of horror as he finally understood what twelve year old Sirius must have gone through when he left home.

Sirius pulled him close again. "No," he said, shaking his head. "I was angry for a long, long time before I finally realized what had happened." He kissed the younger boy's head. "But I had my friends, and so you do you, and you have me and she will eventually come around."

Remus hiccupped a little as his nuzzled Sirius' shoulder. "You really think so?"

"I really do," said Sirius, with a small smile in his voice. "No one can resist your charms."

"Think that's just you," muttered Remus, wrapping his arms around the only person who really mattered after all.


End file.
